Tracing my family roots was a bit of an afterthought. Tim and I both signed up with Ancestry.com in 2018 but very quickly realized that finding his birth families would be all consuming and probably far more interesting (as I’ve chronicled in a 6-part blog series earlier this year: Everyone Should Know Their Story) so that’s where all our time and attention went for several months. Besides, I knew it would be easy for me to jumpstart my family tree since I grew up surrounded by generations of relatives that loved telling stories. Unlike Tim, who knew nothing about his roots other than he had been born in Ireland and adopted by an American family, I had always known where I came from, and to be completely honest, I felt no urgency to find out more. Continue reading “There Is Always More to the Story…”
Wanna Ruck?
I was clueless a few months ago when my son, Chris, asked me if I wanted to ruck. He and his family were quarantining with us at the lake during the early days of COVID-19 and he had decided to take advantage of his new work-from-home arrangement to adopt a healthier lifestyle. He was starting to see results from his improved diet and wanted to focus more on his workouts. That’s where this rucking idea surfaced.
Chris explained that rucking was a cardio workout with military roots: you simply load up a backpack (aka rucksack) with weight and walk. Continue reading “Wanna Ruck?”
Everyone Should Know Their Story – Part 6: The Homecoming
Imagine for a moment you’re going through the mail on some random Thursday and stuck between the Bed Bath & Beyond coupon and your electric bill you find an envelope postmarked from another country. What’s your first thought? Well, it’s probably not, “Oh, that must be a letter from some guy that thinks he’s my brother.”
My point is, nobody is prepared to open the letter we sent. Continue reading “Everyone Should Know Their Story – Part 6: The Homecoming”
Everyone Should Know Their Story – Part 5: And His Name Is . . .
New revelations about Tim’s first family were popping up regularly until all of a sudden toward the end of November 2018 our progress stalled. What we knew for sure was that Tim’s paternal great-grandparents, Hazlett Hastings and Rebecca McCausland, had seven children; the age difference between the oldest (born in 1891) and youngest (born in 1909) was nearly a generation. Tim had documented cousin matches with offspring of three of the younger siblings and a fourth sister never had children. Logic would say that we could eliminate those four, so Tim’s grandmother or grandfather was likely one of the three older Hastings/ McCausland siblings – Mary Jane, Robert or William. Unfortunately, these three branches of the family tree were not as well known to the cousins Tim was working with.
Luckily, about that same time we became aware of further DNA testing that offered promise. I’ll spare you the genetics lesson, but unlike autosomal DNA which had gotten us this far, Y-DNA testing could actually identify Tim’s paternal surname. Continue reading “Everyone Should Know Their Story – Part 5: And His Name Is . . .”
Everyone Should Know Their Story – Part 4: The Dark Side of Irish Adoptions in the 1950s
There is no version of being an unwed and pregnant teenage girl that is enviable. Then envision her family turning her over to the Catholic Church where the nuns piled on the Catholic guilt and shame that permeated Ireland in the 1950s, all the while pressuring her to give up her newborn for adoption. In most cases, these “mother and baby” homes, which were operated by the Catholic Church, received a stipend from the government to cover the cost of care for both mother and child. But that didn’t stop the nuns from also requiring restitution from each girl. If her family was unable to pay, she was usually forced to stay after she gave birth to work off her debt. This “double dipping” was only part of the profit story, the real money came from the “donations” wealthy Americans paid to adopt these coveted Irish Catholic babies. For years these adoptions were quite profitable for the Catholic Church; but even worse, by today’s standards the treatment of these young mothers and their babies was often criminal. Continue reading “Everyone Should Know Their Story – Part 4: The Dark Side of Irish Adoptions in the 1950s”
Everyone Should Know Their Story – Part 3: DNA was a Game Changer
In 2009 we jumped on the DNA train. 23andMe offered a genetic testing service directly to consumers that provided reports on predispositions to various health conditions as well as ancestry information. It seemed like a long shot, but it had been five years since we reached a dead end with the adoption agency, St. Patrick’s Guild, so we thought, why not?
We did receive some interesting health information, but bottom line 2009 was just too early. Their data base was still relatively small; Tim’s DNA matched with relatives too distant to really help in the search for his birth families. Continue reading “Everyone Should Know Their Story – Part 3: DNA was a Game Changer”
Everyone Should Know Their Story – Part 2: Decision to Search
Tim would tell you he went most of his life without giving much thought to his biological parents. In large part, that could have been because his life with the family that adopted him was pretty darn good. It wasn’t until after his mother died in 2002 (his father had passed years before) and we found an envelope with his birth and adoption documents that I first saw genuine curiosity.
Weeks later we spread all the documents out on the kitchen table and studied the information. There were inconsistencies between them, including several variations of his birth name. On most birth documents he was Robert John Rogers. But the adoption documents called him Robert Lawrence. Continue reading “Everyone Should Know Their Story – Part 2: Decision to Search”
Everyone Should Know Their Story – Part 1
Most of us don’t have to wonder where we came from or who our people are. We grew up with parents and grandparents that loved to show us old pictures or tell stories about bygone days. Sure, it may not have always seemed that interesting when we were kids, but usually we picked up enough of the details to have a sense of our roots.
But what if you landed in the USA at the age of fifteen months with no more hints to your identity than a green card and an Irish birth certificate with only a couple of boxes filled in? Such was my husband’s situation. Continue reading “Everyone Should Know Their Story – Part 1”
It’s Easier Than You Think to Die Before You’re Dead
The journey I’ve been on for the last two years is not one I’d wish on anyone. I’d like to say I’m a better person for having gone through it, but I’m not. What I am is thankful for having survived it.
We lost our daughter in 2018. As that year came to an end, I was a shell of myself. From the outside it may not have been as obvious because I was pretty good at going through the motions. Each day I’d put one foot in front of the other in an effort to check a few things off my to-do list before I allowed myself to pull the covers back over my head for another sleepless night. But inside, I remember feeling very little beyond profound heartbreak. The horrors of Stephanie’s death were winning; the agony of losing her erasing memories of our happier times. I hadn’t just lost her; I lost an entire lifetime. Continue reading “It’s Easier Than You Think to Die Before You’re Dead”
I Wanted an Answer Until I Got It
When I woke up on January 26, 2018 it never occurred to me that within a few hours I would discover my daughter was sick, and after thirty years of amazingly good health, she would never be well again.
All it took was three words – Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis – to send my relatively carefree existence into complete turmoil. All the things I had fretted about in the days before were instantly insignificant. Upcoming plans were immediately dismissed. From that moment life has been one dimensional, filled with doctors, hospitals, tests and surgical procedures. Continue reading “I Wanted an Answer Until I Got It”