They say there are five stages of grief. I suppose there’s science behind it and the framework holds true for many people, but I’ve only known one stage since we first learned four months ago that Stephanie’s life would be cut short… heartbreak. It’s what I immediately felt on that cold Sunday morning in late January when we learned she had a rare liver disease, Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis. Continue reading “I Know the Exact Moment I Lost Hope”
Our Worst Nightmares Don’t End When We Open Our Eyes
The ten weeks since our daughter, Stephanie, was diagnosed with primary sclerosing cholangitis (PSC) have been a blur of hospitals, tests, and surgical procedures. A steady stream of GI specialists, radiologists and surgeons have poked, prodded and asked the same questions over and over. But despite their collective wisdom, they seemed to have no idea why Stephanie appeared to have skipped over the beginning stages of this normally slowly progressing liver disease and landed somewhere closer to the end.
Well, that’s not exactly true . . . they had one idea. Continue reading “Our Worst Nightmares Don’t End When We Open Our Eyes”
I Wanted an Answer Until I Got It
When I woke up on January 26, 2018 it never occurred to me that within a few hours I would discover my daughter was sick, and after thirty years of amazingly good health, she would never be well again.
All it took was three words – Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis – to send my relatively carefree existence into complete turmoil. All the things I had fretted about in the days before were instantly insignificant. Upcoming plans were immediately dismissed. From that moment life has been one dimensional, filled with doctors, hospitals, tests and surgical procedures. Continue reading “I Wanted an Answer Until I Got It”
May Your Days be Merry and Bright…
I’ve always loved Christmas. But that hasn’t always prevented the whirlwind surrounding it from robbing me of the best part – the joyful anticipation leading up to it. More years than I’d like to admit the holiday spirit hasn’t taken hold until the big day itself, and then it’s over so quickly I’ve ended up feeling totally cheated. But not this year; this holiday season my heart has been full of Christmas cheer for weeks.
Of course having more free time to embrace the season has contributed to my bliss. Decorating, connecting with friends, dropping off gifts in those big blue barrels around town, watching dozens upon dozens of Hallmark Christmas movies . . . wait, what? Yep, you heard it right. This year I’m hooked on those all too sappy tales with over-the-top holiday settings and the expected happy endings. If you’ve wondered why I haven’t blogged lately, it’s simple: I’ve been glued to the Hallmark channel.
Continue reading “May Your Days be Merry and Bright…”
Two Strangers Just Rescued Me from Months of Wasted Effort
Hitting the pause button at the beginning of October may have been the best decision I’ve made since starting Chapter 3. At the time, a string of destructive hurricanes followed by the horrific Las Vegas massacre had dimmed my creativity. Feeling pretty down from it all, I not only stopped blogging, I minimized the amount time I spent watching the news and keeping up with the outside world. I greatly reduced my involvement on social media. I walked more; I read more. We still had visitors and plenty of social interaction so I didn’t withdraw completely. But I certainly took a big step back.
There was one thing I did abandon entirely – planning. I literally had no goals for October. Or if I did, I never opened my planner to look at them. I simply woke up each morning and did what needed to be done. Well, to be completely honest, on most days I did only what I felt like doing of what needed to be done. Not once this past month did I make a to-do list. It was as close to living in the moment as I ever remember. Continue reading “Two Strangers Just Rescued Me from Months of Wasted Effort”
I Can’t Seem to Find the Right Voice, So for The Moment I’ll Stay Quiet
If you’re anything like me, the last month has taken a huge toll on your psyche. The successive wrath of three major hurricanes, followed by the unprecedented evil perpetrated by a crazed gunman have kept us reeling. The loss and devastation has been unimaginable, and most of us are processing it on top of whatever personal challenges we already had in our own lives, or the lives of those we love. But amid all the horror, we’ve also witnessed amazing heroism and endless acts of kindness and service to those in need. And generosity, oh my, the generosity of Americans has been unbelievable. Mercifully, as crisis usually does, each one has unified us…at least for a minute.
Unfortunately, most Americans these days seem more comfortable being divided; uncivil discord is our new normal. Sadly, our brief spurts of harmony do little to heal our deep wounds. While it would be easy to do, I have no intention to use this forum for political commentary; there’s already enough of that swirling around us.
That said, as I sat down at the keyboard, I felt like my typically snarky or often narcissistic blogging about my relatively charmed life had the wrong tone in the wake of all these tragedies – if not for you to read, certainly for me to write. But hopefully, in the coming weeks we’ll catch a break from further disasters, and my ramblings will seem less insensitive in the context of more ordinary times.
The Only Thing He’s Hooked So Far is His gMa…
From the beginning, I was adamant that fishing was not my thing. Despite repeated attempts by my six-year-old grandson to entice me to join in his new passion, I was steadfast in my refusal to even pick up a rod. I’m sure Caleb thought it odd, since I’d always been such a willing sidekick to every adventure he cooked up; all he had to do was mention it, and I was game. But not this time; not fishing. I encouraged him to seek involvement from others, as I was sitting this one out. Continue reading “The Only Thing He’s Hooked So Far is His gMa…”
Fall Should be More Than Football and Pumpkin Spice Lattes, Right?
I’m not about to deny the place in my heart reserved for football and pumpkin spice lattes, but they don’t seem to be enough to make Autumn feel significant. So simply put, I’m striving to give this glorious season a more befitting identity within my life. The downgrade seemed to have started during my years as a small business owner when it became a respite between the chaotic pace of summer entertaining and the exhausting demands of the holiday retail season. Typically, I dragged myself into September desperate to catch my breath and reclaim some semblance of a normal life if only for a few weeks. Not exactly lofty goals. Continue reading “Fall Should be More Than Football and Pumpkin Spice Lattes, Right?”
The Curse of Bragging About Good Fortune
I always cringe when the front doorbell rings. Nobody we know comes through the front door, so, as I rounded the corner to the foyer I had already decided the person standing on my porch was unwelcome. I opened the door and a perfectly benign fellow looked up from his clipboard, introduced himself as an employee of our electric company, and without pausing to take a breath, told me they’d just need to cut our power for about twenty seconds to get a few numbers off the back of our meter. “No,” I sighed, shaking my head. “Please don’t.” He smiled. “We’ll be quick, maybe only fifteen seconds. It will be right back on, I promise.” When I tried to explain It was the aftermath I was worried about, he chuckled. “I’m sure it will be fine. We’ll be out of your hair in no time,” he said, turning to jog down the steps. Yeah…well, it was anything but fine. Continue reading “The Curse of Bragging About Good Fortune”
Happiness Deferred is Often a Bit Sweeter
Every baby has a birth story. And so, do their moms and dads. For some, the story is nine months in the making. The luckiest parents cruise through an uneventful pregnancy with only the typical discomforts. For others, the journey starts with years of struggle… to get pregnant… to stay pregnant… and they pray every day that they will make it to that blessed event so many seem to achieve without extraordinary effort. Whatever path brought them to the big moment, when the time comes, they all share one desire… a healthy baby. Continue reading “Happiness Deferred is Often a Bit Sweeter”