Everyone Should Know Their Story – Part 6: The Homecoming

Imagine for a moment you’re going through the mail on some random Thursday and stuck between the Bed Bath & Beyond coupon and your electric bill you find an envelope postmarked from another country. What’s your first thought? Well, it’s probably not, “Oh, that must be a letter from some guy that thinks he’s my brother.”

My point is, nobody is prepared to open the letter we sent. Expect the worst…but hope for the best was never more apropos. To our delight, the response couldn’t have been more positive. The phone call from Tim’s youngest sister probably caught him as off guard as our correspondence had caught her just hours before. For one, we hadn’t expected them to have received the letter, much less respond to it so quickly. But Tim was most surprised by how enthusiastic and genuinely happy she seemed in welcoming him to the family.

Tim said he immediately felt the warmth and calm in her voice; he didn’t detect any of the apprehension or skepticism he had been preparing himself for. What he didn’t know at the time was that for most of her life, his sister had been nagged by the notion that something was missing in their family. Our letter validated her intuition; there had indeed been something missing. By the time she called Tim, she had already conferred with her aunt who confirmed that our story was credible; there had been a baby all those years ago. But what they found to be the most striking evidence was the picture of Tim we had enclosed with the letter; his resemblance to their father was remarkable. She told Tim she knew instantly he was a McConnell.

Even with everyone so certain we had found the right family, we still wanted to see the DNA evidence. But that quickly became a formality and by the time the results were in, Tim and his siblings were well on their way to catching up on all the years they had lost. Through frequent emails and video chats, exchanging photos, and sharing stories their worlds were converging and their affection growing.

In the weeks following the receipt of our letter, Tim’s siblings shared their incredible story with relatives, friends and neighbors and the joy of finding this once lost McConnell only grew. While none of Roy McConnell’s children had any inkling of another sibling, many of the older generation now confessed to having known of the baby. Obviously, after 65 years it hadn’t remained top of mind; life in Carrickadawson had simply gone on. As one of Roy’s cousins told us, “You just didn’t talk about those things back then.” But Tim’s reappearance into their lives had certainly changed all of that.

As word spread his Irish family started reaching out via emails, Facebook and even phone calls; all eager to welcome him to the family. It wasn’t long before Tim, my husband that absolutely hated to travel, was talking about visiting his family in Donegal. One day he picked up the phone and found himself on a 3-way conversation with two of his McConnell cousins; one sister in Northern Ireland, and the other living right here in the USA – Covington, Kentucky only a few hours north of us. Their excitement was endearing and a few months later we were able to meet with this US cousin when she and her husband were travelling in Tennessee. She was so kind to bring loads of family pictures and we spent a wonderful afternoon captivated by her stories about their family back in Ireland. She was even able to share a few stories about Tim’s birth mother.

So later in the summer we were off to Ireland, this time with a sense of belonging that had been missing fifteen years prior. The tone was set as soon as we landed in Dublin; the immigration agent reviewed our passports and with a big smile said, Welcome home, Timothy! And what a homecoming it was. Our visit kicked-off with a festive gathering of over 65 members of our new family; each person, young and old, sharing stories to help fill in all the lost years. The various gatherings and outings throughout our stay were all so wonderful. We still can’t believe how much we squeezed into our trip; it was a tribute to our incredible tour guides!

Sightseeing in Co. Donegal was amazing with all its natural beauty and stunning landmarks. We hadn’t made it that far north on our previous trip. We’ll never forget hiking the enchanting cliffs of Slieve League at dusk or catching a brilliant rainbow from the hilltop fort atop Greenan Mountain. Touring Northern Ireland, especially walking the Derry walls, learning about the siege and seeing firsthand the remnants of our homeland’s troubled history was fascinating but also sobering.

But it was spending time on the family farm that was most poignant. Had different decisions been made 65 years before, this would have been Tim’s life. Instead, a simple twist of fate sent him to a distant world, and a life that couldn’t have been more different.

One thing we had not fully appreciated until we visited Carrickadawson was that the McConnells and Rodgers were such close neighbors; the families’ lives had been connected for generations. Finding the McConnells gave us insight into the Rodgers family as well. I suspect there were times when their religious differences – the McConnells were Presbyterian and the Rodgers Roman Catholic – presented obstacles. One could imagine a mid-century out of wedlock pregnancy might have been one of those times. But by all accounts, Tim’s uncle (his mother’s older brother) and Roy McConnell had remained life-long friends. The son of one of Tim’s cousins on the Rodgers side lives in the family home, so we were fortunate to meet some of his mother’s relatives on our trip as well.

Our brief visit to the land of Tim’s roots was nothing short of magical. Connecting in such a personal way with his three siblings and their families, seeing first-hand the world his birth parents grew up in …. their childhood homes, the farm that so defined life for generations of McConnells, the churches they attended, the graveyards where they’re buried. It was the trip of a lifetime.

This week marks the one-year anniversary of Tim connecting with his McConnell family. We count our blessings that our journey led us to such wonderful people. There’s no doubt the years of searching, with all the tedious work and even the bitter disappointments, were well worth the place Tim finds himself now. He didn’t just identify his biological roots; after so many lost years he’s become part of the family. Finally knowing Tim’s story has been an amazing gift; but this second chance at living his story is priceless.

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