I’m not about to deny the place in my heart reserved for football and pumpkin spice lattes, but they don’t seem to be enough to make Autumn feel significant. So simply put, I’m striving to give this glorious season a more befitting identity within my life. The downgrade seemed to have started during my years as a small business owner when it became a respite between the chaotic pace of summer entertaining and the exhausting demands of the holiday retail season. Typically, I dragged myself into September desperate to catch my breath and reclaim some semblance of a normal life if only for a few weeks. Not exactly lofty goals.
But that’s the past. If this isn’t your first read of my blog, you’ll know 2017 is the year I’ve committed to shattering some of my old norms in pursuit of an improved quality of life. My quest to change my lifestyle was the impetus behind Chapter 3; the theory being that regular blogging would help me stay accountable to my goals for a healthier and more mindful life. This is my year to finally embrace the opportunities and freedom offered by the choice I made years ago for an early retirement.
Of course, few people live a life without responsibility, so there’s a certain amount of necessary discontent we all experience. But, I’ve dilligently guarded against “commitment creep” in an effort to not allow my obligations limit me. Spring was all about the awakening of our outdoor life and getting ready for an incredible summer. Summer was all about amazing quality time with family and friends. And now this Fall is all about…. yeah, football and pumpkin spice lattes aren’t going to cut it. Again, I love them both, and football in particular will always be a huge part of life for me. But in a year dedicated to change, the status quo is a bit underwhelming.
When life started slowing down after Labor Day, I paused to figure out what was next. It struck me that different from the past, this autumn offered an opportunity for some meaningful “me time”. I think historically one of my biggest challenges in pursuing my own interests, was that I didn’t take the time to figure out what they were. Perpetually managing a task list that stretched months into the future, I just naturally keep moving. I’ve spent a lifetime taking on new challenges, which required constant learning and reinvention. Looking back, squeezing in few football games and an occasional Starbucks indulgence each weekend was such a treat. And hence, for years they’ve represented Fall in my life.
I swore at the beginning of this year, I was ready for change. Maybe this is a classic case of be careful what you wish for, but upon reflection I couldn’t help but feel my life had stalled. For the first time in my life, I’ve taken on absolutely no new challenges this year; choosing instead to spend months seeking happiness by just being more present in my own life. For a few days, I wrestled with how I ever thought this could make me happy in the long run. Which of course, yanked me right back to the underlying issue that has tormented most of my life: the extraordinarily high value and related self-worth I assign to the notion of accomplishment.
Fortunately, clarity came quickly and I’ve regained a more balanced perspective on my suddenly ho-hum life. My whole Chapter 3 experiment began with me daring myself to step back and learn to smell the roses. Specifically, the roses growing in my backyard, not the new ones I would instictively want to plant and kill myself cultivating; the ones already there. I’ve experienced tremendous joy these last few months in discovering all the wonderful gifts right in front of me. I’m not naïve enough to think that such gains would have been even remotely possible without letting go of my old habits.
And if you’re thinking I’m just bored, it’s way more complicated than that. Day to day, I love my life; I wouldn’t change a thing. Like enjoying all the recreational activities available in the increasingly colorful outdoors. I’m also lucky enough to have a new grandbaby to spoil and his older brother to tame. We have travel plans to visit dear friends, as well as, more guests that will soon be coming our way. I enjoy daily interaction and inspiration from my healthy living cohorts and make good use of my social media lifelines to stay in touch with extended family and friends. And in those cherished quieter moments, reading and writing never fail to entertain me. Right now I have a hard time imagining what I’d give up to even allow for more productive endeavors. One thing is certain, I’ve come full circle in how I spend my time.
Yet, there remains this little matter of living a truly fulfilling life. Unfortunately, right now it’s still twisted up in my need for significant accomplishment. Not saving the world significant; more like taking on something I’m not sure I’m capable of doing, but knowing l want to put my heart and soul into trying. Thankfully, my need to achieve is no longer keeping me up at night. Maybe in time my fulfillment meter will recalibrate and give me more credit for lesser accomplishments. Or who knows, someday I may once again find the passion and courage to take a big swipe at some inconceivable goal. I just know this isn’t that day.
Which brings me back to Fall. I’ve decided it’s the perfect time of year to focus on a little self-development. Given that this is a bit of an afterthought this year, I’m sort of taking a couple of baby steps. But, I see grander possibilities in my future. When I break it down, one element of taking on new challenges that I’ve always found exciting was that it required me to constantly learn new things. Who knows, the day may come when I rank life-long learning higher than accomplishing a bunch of stuff. Okay, that’s a stretch.
To that end, I’m challenging myself to learn more about life in North Korea over the next couple of months. I just finished The Girl with Seven Names: A North Korean Defector’s Story and am starting Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea. I confess to knowing very little about Korean history. Am I the only one who remembers spending years in school on the Revolutionary and Civil Wars but only a few minutes on the all the wars and conflicts of the 20th Century? Anyway, I have a lot to learn.
I’ve also enrolled in my first online class. It’s a month long healthy-heart vegan cooking class led by two Irish chefs. I first became aware of them when my sister-in-law sent me one of their cookbooks. I’ve never been a big fan of Irish cooking so I was a bit skeptical, but I tried a couple of their recipes and to my surprise, I liked them. I started following them on Facebook this summer and loved their charisma and energy. When I happened to see a reference to a new class starting up around the same time I was freaking out about the stagnate state of my life, I jumped on it. So, I’m the lone American in the group and get a kick out sitting on my porch each morning and joining in with an interesting cast of characters from Ireland, England and Canada.
Now, keep in mind, they don’t know I have no intention of becoming a vegan. The more I learn, I think giving up meat and seafood might be the easy part; it’s dairy and eggs that I’d really have trouble living without. And don’t get me started on the whole leather thing. Truthfully, it seems like more trouble than it’s worth, but I humor them. I’m even becoming expert at snapping my photos for sharing before I add in the meat. That said, I’m picking up lots of helpful tips for preparing healthier meals. And I’ve been introduced to some interesting new ingredients – like the kind of things I see at Trader Joe’s and wonder what the hell they’re used for.
As an added bonus, I’ve picked up some great new words, like an instant favorite: gobsmacked. It means utterly astonished or leaves you speechless or stops you dead in your tracks. As in, I’m gobsmacked after getting on the scale and dropping 4 kilos this week. In turn, I’m teaching them about the amazing versatility of the southern classic: Y’all. It’s such fun that I’m already searching for my next class.
While this lark will amuse me for a few weeks or maybe even months if I sign up for another program, it’s clearly only a temporary patch. I will have a better plan for Fall next year. And eventually, I’ll have to deal with the bigger accomplishment issue and face the pesky question that I’ve been running from for some time now. But that’s also for another day…or more likely, another season.
Happy Fall, Y’all!
