We all know at least one Debbie or Donny Downer – the perpetual sad sack that makes our stomach flinch when we see them heading in our direction because we know two minutes into the conversation we’ll be looking for car to jump in front of. I wish I was exaggerating, but few situations in life drain me more than getting cornered by one of these folks.
Is life really that much worse for these doomsters? Has the universe conspired against them as they would have us believe? I guess each one has their own story, but it strikes me that for the most part the misery that seems to ruin their day, their mood, their life is the same stuff that happens to everyone.
Before you start thinking I’m totally insensitive, I realize there are many people out there dealing daily with catastrophic issues and real tragedy, and for those individuals I have complete empathy. But I’ve also noticed that many of them, with every reason on earth to be bitter or angry, are often the most selfless and positive people we meet. Just sayin’…
The people I’m referring to are the opposite sort of character; the consistently woeful types that seem to continually obsess about offenses from the past or fret about their uncertain path ahead. Something or someone always has them down… and for some godforsaken reason they think we want to hear about it. It’s not like they even want to change their situation. I’m a born fixer, so my natural response is always to offer up solutions. But just try giving one of these glass-half-empty types advice and you’ll quickly learn how tethered they are to their gloom; the more suggestions you provide, the tighter their grip.
I have a hard time relating to people who can’t ever let go of past arguments or injustices. It baffles me how they can actively harbor ill will for months and years. Maybe on some level everyone has those feelings, but most don’t let it consume them. I’ve tried, pretty unsuccessfully I might add, to defuse such resentment with simple questions. What good is all of this negativity doing? How does dwelling on these maddening thoughts help anything? I have often gone so far to point out that the person they hold responsible for their unhappiness most likely is going about their business unaware they are the target of such spiteful thoughts. But I never get an answer, it just leads to more attempts to justify their feelings.
So why the incessant bitching to anyone that will listen; how does that help them? Are they looking for our sympathy? A shoulder to cry on? The irony is it seems like the person they’re harming most with all this negative energy is themselves. So, should we pity them? It has crossed my mind. When I can’t handle the thought of listening to their griping for another minute, I wonder what hell it must be like to actually be them; how distressing it must be to have that level of pessimism shouting inside your head 24/7.
Something I read once comes to mind. The jist of it was: You’re the sole beneficiary of your thoughts – good or bad – so why not make them good? Why not indeed. Seriously, they must know they can’t harm someone else with their thoughts. And shouldn’t they understand that thinking good thoughts, cheerful thoughts, loving thoughts could make them happier. It’s not that hard of a concept.
I’m not sure when the ability to master my own thoughts clicked for me; but it has served me well for much of my life. I’ve found it to be much simpler to turn around a run of bad luck than to let it define me. Is my life good because positive things happen to me, or is it good because I find positives in the things that happen? I don’t even care which it is. But I do know that when things aren’t good, from my own fault or someone else’s, I refuse to stay there.
Have you ever noticed when we’re immersed in a stressful situation we lose focus on the bigger picture? When someone close to us is in the hospital or heaven forbid there’s a death in the family, it’s not uncommon to completely lose track of what’s happening in the world. It’s an absolutely normal reaction because focusing all our energy on the stressful situation at hand can help us get through it.
Unfortunately, when you’re the carrier of non-stop negativity that same thing happens all the time, but you just never get beyond it. Your thoughts are limited, your world becomes narrow. People stop wanting to be around you. Your life spirals downward. Serendipitous joy sprinkles down on the chronic complainer just as much as it does the rest of us, but they’re too caught up in their own drama to recognize it.
I remind myself that logic has never been a particularly effective weapon in my previous encounters with the habitually unhappy. In fact, nothing has. I have about ten seconds to make my decision. It takes me three. Concluding life is too precious to willingly take a bullet, I raise my hand and give a hearty wave to the woman approaching. And then I make a quick escape down a side street picking up my pace as though I’m running for my life.
