And drink the wine, and the margaritas, and even the champagne! Especially the champagne! Last weekend I decided my newly adopted healthy lifestyle was going to have to stand down; it was after all my birthday. And I had the good fortune to be spending it with friends I’d known . . . well, forever. I wasn’t just hurdling past another annual milestone, I was doing it with some of the best friends a girl could ever have. And that’s a reason to celebrate!
Let’s face it, nobody knows us like our coming of age friends. Those years, sprinkled with too much bad judgement and repeated attempts at pushing the limits, seemed to create an unbreakable bond. Girlfriends meant everything in those days. They had the clothes you borrowed, the advice you needed and the shoulders you cried on. They were the ones that told you the truth even when it hurt, but were the first to defend you when someone else uttered even the slightest criticism. They were our secret keepers, our therapists, and our cheerleaders. Of course, there were guys along the way, but as they came and went it was our girlfriends that stayed the course; through good times and bad we had each other’s back. Somehow, long before the world could see the incredibly responsible and capable women we would become, our friends already knew how awesome we were.
But alas, growing up was inevitable and over time we each forged our own version of adulthood. For me, marriage, career and kids eventually took my complete focus and I lost track of the dear friends that had once meant so much to me. I didn’t want to lose them, but I also didn’t do enough to keep them. I could pretend work and family demands were at fault, but the truth was I loved my life. It was narrowly focused – raising kids and building a career – and I was completely consumed. The exhilaration that came from my achievements fueled my fire for decades; each success giving me the confidence, and dare I say, the need to take on the next challenge. But in my more introspective moments, I had a few regrets; one of the big ones was the dear friends I’d lost track of. But I carried on, living life on a mission and for thirty years I never looked back. I was incredibly lucky to work with some really great people through the years, and feel fortunate to still call many of them friends.
When I began planning for retirement, like many in my situation, I was intent on finding new ways to find fulfillment. At first, nothing came close to the highs that I had come to enjoy professionally. Now I find it laughable that I thought I could keep that kind of adrenalin rush going, or even that I would want to. After all, the whole point of retiring was to get off the hot seat and enjoy the aspects of my life I had slighted for too long. If I think back to the soul searching that led to my decision to opt for early retirement, having more time for the people in my life was a big reason. But I’ll be honest, I never imagined I’d soon have a second chance with friends I’d lost touch with so many years ago. I was just hoping not to lose any more of the people I loved; I was determined to be a better wife, mother, sister, and friend than I had managed to be while I was working.
Fast forward a few years and I feel so blessed to have come full circle. It started several years ago when my dearest childhood friend happened to reach out because she had business in Oak Ridge, TN, which is near our home. It was so amazing to see her after all these years. Our lives had taken different paths, but our shared roots made coming back together the most natural thing in the world; that cherished bond hadn’t been shaken. Over time the group expanded and it’s been such fun catching up on the years we all missed. Everyone’s journey had its unique twists, but I’d say we’ve managed pretty interesting and successful lives. It’s also fair to say our most colorful times were the ones we shared so many years ago, before grown-up sensibilities settled in. It reminds me of that saying: good friends know all your best stories, best friends lived them with you.
So, while each time we get together we learn a little more about the lost years, what’s been obvious from the start is that who we really are and what we mean to each other hasn’t changed very much at all. Celebrating my 61st birthday with the same friends I spent milestone birthdays like sixteen, eighteen and twenty-one with, is a gift I’m not sure I deserve, but I’ll happily accept!
